I am not here. At this beach cottage. And not gonna lie, a little grumpy about that today. Which leads me to today’s thing I need to get off my chest. Thank you in advance for letting me vent about the mud in the muddling and the messy middle and the ugly art and the staying home all day on a holiday to complete a project on deadline and how you blow it and it just doesn’t work and your rails are so off the track your head might explode so you walk away, take a break, do all those things rational people recommend, come back to it, and you derail even further, maybe so far that that it’s a full blown train wreck and there is no hope in salvaging all of your work. That you’ve sacrificed the entire day for! Remember that part? (See date above: 4th of July. Boo hoo me.) Lordy lordy, it’s one of Those Days and the calendar, the smell of bbq and the cheerful neighbor noises are reminding me that I should be outside enjoying said festivities. But no. I am in the vice grip of doubt ick why bother can’t see straight I’ll never paint again-iris. It’s a somewhat melodramatic place to be but once I’m in it, I need to stay there for a while and really wallow. It will pass. It BETTER PASS!!!! Oh god, please let it pass.
So while I wanted to wax poetic about the charm of visiting an adorable aqua beach cottage weathered by the sea and sun, festooned with buoys, I am leaning into my other creative outlet, writing and while I might have given up on the brush tonight, I will write, post, get a few things down. I am working on a commission and for whatever reason, it’s creative lego pieces did not click today. It was like doing a jigsaw puzzle starting from the outside on a curve rather than a straight line. No matter what I did, it felt forced. I rarely write about this stage of creativity while I’m in it because frankly, it’s uncomfortable and when you’re in it, you’re not really 100% sure you’ll ever not be in it. It feels real and forever. Like PMS. I decided I wanted to write this down because it’s easy to give up at this stage. Who am i kidding? I’m totally giving up for the day! But I will go back tomorrow. That’s the difference for me now. I don’t all the way give up, revisit my art a month or year later. I recognize that it’s part of the arc of creating something: the exhilaration, enthusiasm, disinterest, frustration, satisfaction, elation. Elation might be too strong of a word for me personally but contentment? I can be content when something feels done.
So today I visit my Beach Cottage, I piece I enjoyed painting very much, that brought me great happiness and I will focus on that. Happy 4th of July to you, to me and to the freedom of what that beach cottage represents, literal and figurative. Here’s to happy creating. Tomorrow. xo
“Beach Cottage”, 16×20″ available at Capers (4525 California Ave SW, Seattle, WA 206.932.0371)